Field Report #1

Alright, fellow spys! Time for a field report!

But what have you been doing, I hear you ask. What have I been doing indeed! I have been spying on my coworkers! Also, I have been trying to think up television pilots and plotting movies AND in the realm of sexy exciting news I got the phone numbers of Harlan Ellison (sp? SPY! HAHA) and the great Orson Scott Card. How?

Spying.

Ok, so, field report. Currently, Numbers One & Two are reading books, books, although currently they are talking engaging with Number Four. Number Four is located in the closest proximity to the Spy Himself, and is currently working on an extremely long project for the boss of whatever company I work for! It is from this mysterious Number Four that I was able to surreptitiously obtain the numbers of OSC and HE, and hopefully a full list of government contacts, sort of like the NOC list from Mission Impossible. Except I have gotten away clean.

Also, I have figured out that I only need to work 95% of the time to get about 100% of the same results as I got when I was working all the time.

Overheard on the wire:

".... it's kind of a sea-foam color ..."

"....I'm gonna date a criminal...."

".....You mean the Divine Ratio....."

Tomorrow: Spy Cast #1

Computer Spy #1

Computer spying- you've probably heard of SpyWare, which is the computer equivalent of a Russian KGB agent infecting your computer with radioactive poison. So, since we are all spys here, what is a way you can become good at computer spying? Well, let's start by playing some simple pranks (haha!) on your co-workers.

Prank #1: Get on a co-workers computer while they are at lunch and hold down the alt key while you hit the Print screen button, which is to the right of the F12 key and above the arrows. Open Paint and paste the picture into the paint window! Then, save the picture and set it as the desktop background. Hide all their files in one folder and remove the task bar at the bottom of the screen, minimizing it! Then watch and laugh as your co-worker panics at the frozen screen! Hahaha!

Prank #2: Steal your co-workers IP address. To steal your co-workers IP address, open up their control panel and click on network settings. Then do some other stuff, and enter your IP- really, I can do this, so why do you need to?

That is all for now hahaha! Have fun pranking your co-workers.

The Weekender

Let's be a spy is on a quick staycation! Please resume your raptured reading and RSS-ing on Monday!

Car Spy #1

Hello there and welcome to another instalment of Let's be a Spy, the eccentric, oft-hilarious blog brought to you by your favorite spy, me! In today's instalment, I have very important information to share with you.

I am not a spy.

I am really just an average person like you. I go to work at a job, I have friends, I- see what I did there! See? I really am a spy! But by making a sudden reveal to you and acting out of character, I made you perceive that you had been brought into a select trust-circle. In reality, I am a spy, I was just showing you another way of convincing people that you, my spy friend, are not: telling them you aren't. And now, on to the topic of today's blog post:

Car Spying

Car spying is a lot like office spying, in that most people do not expect it to happen. When spying on other people from your car, it is helpful to have these things on hand:

-A car

-Gasoline

-A jack

-A keen sense of direction

-Eyes (that can see. Blindness would be a hindrance.)

When attempting to spy on other people from your car, a useful thing to do is help disabled motorists on the side of the road. True, this does make for some unpleasant interactions with those who are less desirable of help, but it allows you to gather information on the subject under the pretence of helping them. If you need to get close to the target quickly, try slashing their tires and steeling their jack, and then showing up with your own, thereby rescuing them and establishing trust.

Another key aspect of spying is the tail. The tail, of course, is attached to an animal at their bottom region, usually marked as an elongated appendage that acts to balance of direct the animal. In spy terms, this is not what we mean. We mean something that follows something else, duh! Anyway, try tailing people you know until you have mastered the art; since you know them, they will not contact the police if they spot you. It is essential to have good tailing skills to be a spy. Some tips:

-Keep your distance, but don't get too far away: Like all great advice, this is hard to follow. It's like a clutch. Ease it in. Ease it. You aren't doin- NOOOOOOO!!!!!! MY TRANSMISION!

-Be good at it: obvious.

-Work in a team: this can be helpful so as not to be spotted, or to have one car spotted and lost, and the other to then pick up the tail.

Alright, spy friends! That's it for today. Your homework is to follow a coworker home today. Its alright if they see you; you can just tell them it was all in good fun!

Workplace Spying #1

Hey there, and welcome to the first installment of Workplace Spying #1.

When working closely with other people, it is sometimes necessary to learn things about them surreptitiously and without their knowledge, and to keep constant surveillance on certain members of the office environment (mainly supervisors and nosy faux-spy employees). To do this you must set up an Action Plan!

Action Plan Tips

-Purchase several mirrors: Mirrors are useful and can be used in series to provide views of hallways and, most importantly, behind you. If you want, you can get at least ten mirrors (or mirror series, as the case may be) and place them around your desk. Why ten? 360 divided by 10 is 36. The maximum human visual acuity on the periphery, assuming both eyes are focused on a point, like a computer screen, is 35 degrees! So, ten mirrors puts the degrees viewed reasonably within limits!

-Have an escape plan: Be able to fake phone calls, pretend being sick, and make up client meetings as a just-in-case emergency escape plan. Ropes optional, though, in some cases, mandatory.

-Isolate yourself from your coworkers: If you cover is blown, personal relationships can complicate the need for action and occasionally the need to take hostages. It is best to avoid these kinds of entanglements. Try

-Avoiding Showering

-Being unpleasant

-Saying inappropriate things

-Professing to worship the Devil

-Inform on your coworkers: one of the best ways to gain the bosses trust, whatever the mission, is to inform on your coworkers; if your coworkers prove too straight laced, please, make up lies about them.

That's it for now. Remember, friends, the hardest part of being a spy is being. Think about it.

Hello, welcome to Let's Be a Spy!

Hey there spy guys (and gals! haha)! Welcome to Let's Be a Spy, the only website on the internet decorated to look like Spys everywhere and help you, the lay person, become the stealthy information gatherer you've always wanted to be. Written so everyone can understand and know, Let's Be a Spy is a free resource that is available for use and citation anywhere. Please, feel free to tell your friends about us, but remember, the best things in life are spy-related, so get surveying and espionaging out there, Agents!